THE DESIRED DOLL

Elizabeth was not a spoilt child, someone who was used to always get what she pointed out. No, rather the opposite - she knew that one should not want worldly goods, because if one did, one would never come to Heaven, when one died. Daddy had read this loud from the Bible, and mummy had explained it, when they said their evening prayers, and the Sunday-school teacher had also said so. One should be pleased with the little one got, and if one ever had something left, one should think of the poor children in Africa.

But Elizabeth had not been able to help it. She had seen a doll in the store-window of the toy-shop, when she had accompanied mummy to town early in autumn. Oh, such a beautiful doll that was! The doll had hair, that almost glittered like gold, and a mouth red as cherry. She could shut her eyes, and she wore a short red velvet frock and lace underwear. The doll had even black patent-leather shoes. She was so beautiful, so beautiful - oh, how Elizabeth wanted that doll!

But mummy had seen Elizabeth's twinkling eyes, pulled her in her arm and admonished her. "What if God had seen her, standing with her nose pressed to the store-window glass! God did not like avarice, didn't Elizabeth know that?"

Elizabeth knew, and she felt ashamed. But she could not forget the doll in the store-window, and she wished, that it couldn't be true, that God could read her thoughts. To be safe, she asked God to forgive her, every night when she said her prayers. But silently, so that mummy couldn't hear her. But no matter how much she was asking God to forgive her for desiring that doll, it did not help - she still desired it.

The months passed away, and it become darker outdoors, but the desire in Elizabeth grew stronger and stronger. Every time she visited town with daddy or mummy it was like something pulled her towards the toy-shop to see, if the doll was still in the window, but she tried to control herself, so not God would be angry with her.

They had made the candles, and they had all been together in church on the first Sunday in Advent, and mummy had baked the Lucia breads. The more they approached Christmas, the more Elizabeth's excitement accelerated. Sometimes she hear wrapping-paper rustle behind some locked door, and she could smell the sealing-wax. She knew very well, that what she would get was the usual woollen gloves from the mission auktion, a couple of sheets of bookmark angels and perhaps a book about Jesus. And one had to thank properly, but above all one had to thank Jesus, Elizabeth knew that.

And it was Christmas Eve, and lit candles everywhere, and rice pudding and stockfish and ham. The stockfish was difficult for Elizabeth, the bites expanded in her mouth, she did not want it at all, but one had to eat up the food, that one had asked God to bless, and there was something with the children in Africa here too - Elizabeth could not really understand that the children in Africa, or was it India, could avoid starving if she ate stockfish. But the ham tasted good, and so did the wort flavoured bread, that daddy had dipped into the ham broth for her.

So was there a knock on the door, and in came the Tomte! He was dressed in Pettersson's jacket, Elizabeth saw that, but she believed he was a real Tomte. Elizabeth curtsied to him and assured, that she had been a good girl. The Tomte carried sack on his back, and he took out parcel after parcel from it. Elizabeth tried to be appropriately happy for the bookmark angels - one should not be too happy, God didn't like that.

But what? At the bottom of the sack there was a big parcel, and it was for Elizabeth. It was from her grandma. Elizabeth could hardly control herself, when she was unwrapping the paper. Perhaps. in any case...

It was the doll from the store-window of the toy-shop! How beautiful she was, where she was lying in her box! The box was beautiful, too, with golden prints, but Elizabeth had only eyes for the doll. She was lying asleep in the box, dressed in the red velvet frock. The patent-leather shoes were no real shoes, Elizabeth could see this now, they could not be removed from the doll's feet, but that didn't matter, she had never seen a more beautiful doll, and it was her own, her very very own. She didn't know how happy she was, there were no words for it.

Elizabeth gave the doll the name of Magdalena, and she had her own place, at the foot of Elizabeth's bed. If one turned Magdalena's legs around a little, the doll could sit on the bed, looking so beautiful. Elizabeth dared almost not to play with her, but she looked at Magdalena at first in the mornings, when she was awake, and at last in the evening, when she and mummy had said the prayers.

The days and the weeks passed, and soon it was Lent. A little money-box, that mummy and Elizabeth had helped each other to fold out of paper, came upon the kitchen table, because now they were supposed to collect money for the children in India, or was it Hungary. Every day daddy and mummy put some coins in the box, when they had said their table prayers, and Elizabeth put her weekly pocket-money in the box, too, because she knew that God liked that.

Magdalena was sitting on Elizabeth's bed, and Elizabeth thought that the doll became more beautiful each day. The golden hair shone, when the february sun was shining through the window, and the mouth was as red as the frock. Sometimes she was sitting for hours just looking at Magdalena.

One day there was a knock on the door, and mummy opened. There stood Elizabeth's Sunday school teacher, with her bun in the back of her head. She explained, that she was collecting toys for the children in Hungary, and didn't Elizabeth want to help? God liked very much the good children, who gave away their finest toys to children who had no toys, she said.

"Then I think you should give away your doll", said mummy with that soft voice, Elizabeth knew didn't stand any contradictions. "You don't play with her, in any case."

"Then it comes to a little girl in Hungary - how happy she will be!" twittered the teacher. "God never forgets this, you should know."

Elizabeth swallowed the lump in the throat. She walked with heavy steps to her room to fetch Magdalena. Her lips trembled, and the tears wanted to come out through her eyes, but she knew that God would not like her crying. God did just like when one gave away by heart, and she tried to think about the poor girl in Hungary, and how happy she would be for the doll.

And sure, the doll came to Hungary. But it can be a good thing that Elizabeth never knew, that the maffia boss, who was receiving the aid sendings, that took the doll, and he gave it to his mistress' daughter. For God would not like hearing what Elizabeth had said, if she knew.


©Gustaf Berglund